Let’s Get Real: Backbiting

Hey girl hey. And boy.

I didn’t think I’ll be making a Let’s Get Real post for a while but something came up today in my personal life that I feel the need to get out of my system on here. Backbiting, slander, gossip and verbal harassment behind someone’s back is a normal part of life nowadays. It’s so easy to pick people apart and talk about them and it’s not like I haven’t done it either. The thing is, when people are behind screens or in the safety of the person they are attacking not being there, it becomes so easy to run our mouths. So easy to make judgements based off one action we see from someone. But let me just say this, this is wrong and it shouldn’t be taken lightly.

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When I used to gossip about other people when I was younger, I used the excuse, “well everything I said is true, I’m just re-telling it.” but now looking back at myself, I’d ask:

Would you retell that story if the person you’re talking about was present?

The answer from most of us would be no because it’s embarrassing to be confronted about something wrong that we did and facing it would make us guilty. But no one likes to be guilty so we just ignore it. And then it becomes a habit. Because our excuses are, “well there’s nothing else to talk about.” and “everyone does it.” But if everyone is heading towards a cliff, would you follow? Because it seems like we’re blindly doing that today.

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There is a girl that my friend group and I don’t know well and she’s been with multiple guys lately. Some of my friends sent her insta story to the group chat and said things that I’m not going to mention on here because I’m not trying to call them out. My point is, maybe someone’s actions are wrong or “dumb”, but we are not entitled to judge others based off one side that we see. Heck, we are never entitled to judge others to begin with. You never ever know someone’s full story. You are not them. You haven’t seen their circumstances. You don’t have their mentality. And you didn’t go through what they went through. Sometimes we look at other people’s problems and laugh like it’s such a dumb reason or we could easily handle it just because it seems like we have it worst on the surface but you don’t know if that person can handle it. You don’t know the mental limits that person has. The person my friends called out was an only child with divorced parents ever since she was young. We had family support, we had people who showed us affection. But some people don’t so they take all the affection they can get. I point this out because there are a lot of girls we may know that seem like “thots” or “sluts” just because they made a few dumb decisions. Everyone has free will to do whatever they want and will be accountable for their own actions so there is absolutely no need to waste your time trying to look down on them to make your sins and mistakes look smaller. They aren’t. If you dislike someone for no good reason or just get bad vibes around them, remove them from your life. Unfollow them if you need to. Go try to fix your own issues before judging other people.

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I also want to let the Muslims reading this know that slander and backbiting is not taken lightly in our religion. Only God can judge people and He’s the only one who knows all sides of them. We have no entitlement towards people whatsoever. You can advise someone in a polite way but completely bashing them without them present to defend themselves (or even bashing them in general) has great consequences and we should know better. I’ve seen lately that some Muslim girls have decided to take off their hijab and they’ve received sooo much hate for it. Like it’s disgusting how disrespectful we’ve become to our own brothers and sisters in Islam. If someone commits a sin, you have no right to call them out for it or judge their whole life story or label them. This is not what prophet Muhammad (AS) taught us nor what the Quran taught us and it’s such a shame that some of us have become horrific examples opposing what our religion originally teaches. I believe this goes out to Christianity as well – Jesus (AS) taught us to love one another and to respect one another. No one should see themselves higher or more worthy than another. Muslim and non-muslim. We have no right to say “oh he/she’ll burn in hell after doing this” because you don’t know. They didn’t die yet. You aren’t God. You shouldn’t be concerned with anyone else’s deeds except yourself.

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Ughhh this post is all over the place I apologize!! I just needed to let it out. Talking trash about anyone is wrong because you don’t know how much you trying to force your opinions on someone to your friends can affect that person’s reputation. Rude judgements which happen to everyone should be kept in your head. If you are guilty of backbiting, ask the victim you talked about for their forgiveness and make sure there’s no cold blood and grudges between the two of you. Don’t beat yourself if you’ve done it because we all make mistakes but just make sure you learn and try your best to stop it in the future. Do the right thing – no matter how “uncool” it is because at the end of the day, all we can control is ourselves.

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Anddd that’s all for today. I bet no one read that and you can take the advice or leave it, it’s your decision but there’s my messy vent of the day.

How common is backbiting in your life?

Your thoughts on backbiting – is it just being “honest” or hiding from your own issues?

I’ll see you all in my next post.

Bayyy 💞

 

42 thoughts on “Let’s Get Real: Backbiting

  1. the caramel marshmallow says:

    I really hate backbiting. Like, cannot stand it ugh just like no I hate it. After being a victim of it before ever doing it I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t do it ever. A lil’ quote to add to your collection “My back is not a voicemail. Say it to my face.” And… “The people who talk about you behind your back are behind you for a reason”. Well, that’s it from me. x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hannah says:

    Wow Baynace! This post is really good and inspiring and really shows to those people who do backbite that it’s wrong and you don’t know the other person completely. You don’t know what they’ve been through, because most people go through something tough at least once in their life and what is it’s them? Really really great post! 💛

    Liked by 1 person

  3. TheRealFatema says:

    Bayy😭💕 This post is sooo truee. I recently read an article about backbiting and making fun of others and I 100% agree with everything you said. We can’t judge anyone because we don’t know their life story. Once their was a woman who spent her entire life committing sins but one time she fed a thirsty dog water and she went to Jannah just for that small good deed. See God has that much mercy on us. And this story just proves that we shouldn’t judge anyone.♥
    ~Fatema💞

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Jayati says:

    Lovely post! I agree with it wholeheartedly and I am so glad that you made a post about this! First off, it makes me think of all that I do myself and nextly, it makes me realise how many people can be so undermining and disheartening when they do this. It is true – we don’t know someone’s story so we have no right to judge them. Once again, it really is a fantastic post!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Jo @ The Lens & The Hard Drive says:

    After going through like a lot of painful backbiting and just now getting over it, this post is just beautiful. Thank you thank you thank you for talking about this! More people should read and take a hint. And yes, you’re really right about the Christianity part, actually Jesus also mentions that if your brother sins, go show it to him in private. In private. Not in front of a ton of people without the person whose sin you’re pointing out. But yeah. XD Thank you for a great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bayance says:

      AAH thank you SO much! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I’m not sure if anyone talked behind me because I wasn’t there but it must suck finding out. Thank YOU! This post was so messy so I’m really shocked with the responses. 😂 YESS exactly! If you want to advise someone, do it face to face! And just remember, if anyone talks about your sins, they’re basically sinning by talking behind your back so who wins? 😂 Thank you so much for reading!!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. hiddenzzzzz says:

    To be honest, I grew tired of all that gossiping and backbiting! I stay away from my friends at school when they spread gossips.. like hell I don’t wanna know every rumor happening around. I try my best to make them stop talking about people cause it’s getting unbearable day by day.
    It’s something great to see you posting this post.. not everyone has the courage to do so!!❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Claire @ Coffee with Claire says:

    I won’t lie – I was very malicious with gossip and slander and it took me a while to understand my actions and just how much of a bitch I was doing this to my own friends until someone called me out on it.

    Now, I hate backbiting and try to steer clear away from anyone that indulges in this. I sometimes share a bit of detail here and there with my boyfriend, but I’ll never be who I was in the past again. Whenever my friends come to confide in me, I’ll never share it with others; or I’ll remove myself from people who are backbiting. It’s been much better since I stopped gossiping and felt my relationship with my friends has improved drastically and removing myself from toxic circles.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bayance says:

      Gurl I totally get where you’re coming from. I used to be that way too when I was younger and I always said oh I’m just retelling the story.
      YASSS I’m so happy for you! I’m glad you’ve grown and have avoided those who do. I’M LITERALLY A PROUD BESTIE RIGHT HERE you inspire meeee. Thank you so much for reading and leaving this amazing comment. All the best! ❤

      Like

  8. Anna says:

    I LOVE THIS POST! Everything you said is so true about not passing judgment on people when you aren’t them and you don’t know what they’re going through. The picture at the end that said if you have a problem with me, tell me and not everyone else really resonated with me because that is so something that bothers me. I want to change if I’m bothering or offending someone and you can only do that if the person is upfront and tells you instead of complaining about it to everyone else. That being said, I do recognize that it’s hard to confront. I’m part of a large friend group and when someone does something hurtful often times no one will tell them as to not make a bigger deal out of it but will instead whisper about it behind their back. I really don’t know what to do in those situations because, on one hand, no one wants to confront them and make a bigger deal than it really is but I mean if it’s no big deal than why are you gossiping about it anyway, right? What are your thoughts on situations like that? I could definitely use another opinion =)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bayance says:

      AAH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I’m so glad you agree and yess I see where you’re coming from. I’ve definitely been in situations like that where people move forward too fast and by the time you want to confront, it’s past or just a small deal. But you’re right – if it wasn’t, why do you feel the need to talk about it? Being whispered about is not fun so I’d say maybe next time, confront the person right away. I know this is hard but maybe it can be a side convo. Like hey, this bothered me today. Do you mind if we talk about it? It doesn’t have to be a court trial – just a little convo so you get it adressed and work towards resolution. I have yet to follow this advice but I believe it won’t make a huge commosion if you are straight forward from the beginning. Thank you so much for reading and definitely let me know how it goes.

      Like

      • Anna says:

        What you’re saying makes a lot of sense – if you’re straight forward and direct about it there’s no in between space for things to get even more misunderstood. Things are only a big deal if we make them one, right? =) Thank you so much for your advice and a wonderful post! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Sam says:

    I have a health issue that results in being at the school nurse’s office, and it’s hilarious because they always gossip about each other! It’s interesting to see how they each talk about each other (there are 5 nurses that rotate being at school).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bayance says:

      Oh myyyy. 😂 Imagine if they all hear each other saying this and just start a whole lawsuit. I feel like if you interfered they’d be like none of your business but maybe if you’re close to one, just be like hey let’s talk about this. At the end of the day, they’re adults who will do what they like but it doesn’t make it any less wrong than a teenage gossip. 😂 Ah well let me know if anything new happens.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. sophie says:

    absolutely absolutely absolutely. a completely true and relevant post, bay. i cannot believe how much we judge people these days, just by the first sighting of them- and that’s so wrong. thanks for this reminder xxx and hope you’re all good

    Liked by 1 person

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