Hey girl hey. And boy.
- this is a sensitive subject matter. I want this to spark civil conversation but if you know you will be negative, please take a few deep breathes before commenting
- the word ‘sex’ is mentioned a lot. If you are uncomfortable, you can skim some parts or wait until later to read this post
- this is SUCH A LONG POST – please prepare a full course meal or read it over a few days
I know many of you are going “yikes, here goes another religious person saying it’s Adam and Eve” but hear me out. Today’s post is not aimed to make you hate homosexuals; in fact, I’m going to keep it as positive as possible while being honest at the same time. This post is not the repetitive “love is love” “love has no gender” speech but it’s also not the “homosexuals are going to hell” preachers you see in pride parades. So basically, the layout of this post will include why I’m against homosexuality and how believers should go about handling this discussion. This is also a collab with Jade, a blogger who happens to be a lesbian who grew up in a Muslim household. I interviewed her to answer some questions I had and I will slip those interview questions in between different points and at the end of this post. Not going to lie, this is probably going to be one of the hardest issues I’ll tackle because of all the political correctness rooted in it but I really wanted to put this post out into the open before Ramadan starts because it’s been on my mind for the past few weeks and I want to at least contribute and make my voice heard in a society where everything has become normalized. I’m going to stop rambling now so without further ado, let’s get started.
Here’s the thing about morality. Some believe morality is something we shape as we grow whereas others like myself believe it’s something instilled in you since birth but is still under the influence of what you’re surrounded by. People have started to shape morality over what the majority of people find acceptable. Only a century ago, people were enslaved because of their colour and people couldn’t vote because of their gender. We look back at that today in disgust. But there are things we’re doing now like changing genders, homosexuality and immodesty that people from a century ago will look at in disgust. Therefore, morality is always changing. When the men prohibited women’s rights, it was right back then but was it actually right? No, the majority had an opinion and they based their law off of that foundation and it has collapsed many times. So the question is – where do we need to draw lines? I asked Jade a few questions and I’ll elaborate on my point next.
7). Is incest wrong? Why?
I’m going to make one thing clear okay? Okay. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean i believe in incest. All I’m going to say on that topic is just no… No… Nooo…
8). If your answer was defected babies, what’s wrong with two sisters having sex or two brothers having sex? They love each other so everyone should accept it right?
Wrong!!! I find it completely disgusting how people can want to have sex with their brothers or sisters. It’s like some families who have cousins marrying each other. Again I don’t believe in incest. So let’s leave it at that.
9). Do you believe humans and animals can have sex if they love each other and consent?
No!!! I’m gay not abhorrent. Ewww.
This proves my point exactly. 50 years ago when homosexuality was brought up again, people thought eww and are you out of your mind? But now that the majority accepts it, what’s to say 50 years from now, incest will become the norm or human and animal relationships will become the norm. Everyone has decided on a moral code called “do what makes you happy AS LONG as it doesn’t harm anyone else” but if you try to argue with me on incest and animals (which I don’t support either) I can turn that moral code right back at you. “Love is love”, “it’s not harming you”, “let people do whatever they want”..etc will be the answer. If today someone mentions homosexuality and I said “ewww…noooo” I’d be deemed as hateful and uneducated. But imagine 50 years from now when you start having to attend weddings where brothers are marrying each other, pets and humans are getting married, then you’ll start being deemed as hateful and uneducated for believing in something that is just common sense.
That’s looking at it from a logical point of view that you can see now but you guessed it, I’m going to have to bring in religion. A lot of people argue that “God loves everyone and he’ll accept me no matter what.” but to be honest, that’s a pretty weird statement if you say it for murder, stealing..etc. You aren’t harming anyone else but if God has set certain restrictions in this life and you surpass them with pride and without repenting, then it’s as if you feel superior over what God has set as right and wrong. Centuries ago, many people believed in God but now that time has passed and we’ve advanced, suddenly it means that He’s gone and now religion has become a joking matter. For the believers who are doubting this certain topic and for those are getting influenced by society (myself included), God knows best. We don’t see the consequences of homosexuality now but you have to trust that everything has wisdom behind it. God has made drinking prohibited, you can clearly see the consequences now. God has made sex before marriage prohibited, you can clearly see the consequences now. He knows what we don’t know and He’s seen what we can’t see so you saying “oh well my religion believes it’s wrong but I’m all in for it” is the wrong way to go about it. God has made the laws straightforward and there’s no bending the law to fit into our lifestyle. We have to remember that everything has been written before this universe was created.
If you’re familiar with the prophets of Islam, you’ll recognize prophet Lut (Lot in the Bible). Now the story actually differs because apparently in the Bible, his daughters seduced him somewhere in the story which is a big no no for a prophet in Islam but the point is, homosexuality isn’t new. There was actually a whole town called Sodom whose people committed homosexual acts all the time. The Prophet Lot was sent to warn them but none of them listened and so after years of trying to guide them, God has ordered Lot and his daughter to leave the town. After the homosexuals kept challenging God and saying “where’s the punishment you’re talking about”, it came after many chances to repent and the town of Sodom disappeared. I watched this documentary that explored the Dead Sea and the corpse of the Sodomy people are still there as a sign for humanity. Now I know this story sounds violent and that God has no mercy, but if God knows that this is something that corrupts societies and human beings, then there’s no questioning because we don’t even know everything that goes on in our own bodies. For those who believe, you must know that God is All-Knowing and whatever he has made forbidden has wisdom behind it.
Next, I want to bring up why punishment for homosexuality is intense in Muslim countries. PDA (public display of affection) is impermissible in most Muslim countries. This means that sex and intimacy are not to be shown in public. It’s kind of similar to North America where it’s against the law to have sex on the streets and if people are kissing in an inappropriate situation, they’ll usually be told to get a room. The government cannot do anything if you are having sex with someone from the same gender privately. If you are intimate, privately. That’s between you and God and the government can’t confront you about it. The thing that will get you in trouble is when you are openly screaming “I have done so and so” or if you are openly making out with someone from the same gender on the streets, you know? It doesn’t mean you’re holding yourself from expressing how you feel but there’s an appropriate time for everything. There are certain places that forbid smoking in certain areas because the fumes can affect others. It’s kind of like that because although you think you’re not affecting other people, if too many people in a society are open about doing things publicly, it will eventually affect, you know? So they just avoid it in that area altogether. Yes, gay marriage isn’t allowed, but that’s because God has made marriage between a man and a woman so if the law agrees with that, I guess if you really need to get married, sign it somewhere else? Usually people get married to start a family and if you want to adopt in Muslim countries, you will be a legal guardian for the adopted kid but cannot inherit the kid or legally put him/her under your name. So even if you adopt, you can just raise the kid together like friends to the public? Honestly, I have no idea how it works but PDA is forbidden for heterosexuals so it obviously is for homosexuals too.
Oh my goodness this is SO long but there’s so much to cover. Here are a few more questions with Jade that cover expressing sexuality to the public:
11). In same sex relationships why is it that one will act feminine and one will act masculine? For example, why do gay guys wear nail polish, tights and change their voice? Why can’t they just be attracted to guys without naturally changing into that? Okay well I’m not exactly a guy but I’ll just go off of what I do know. SO not everyone I know personally who’s part of the LGBTQ community and is a guy does all that. I know some guys who are gay and they’re not feminine at all. And I know some guys that are Feminine more than some girls I know. It’s a preference honestly. Just depends on the person.
I mean think on it this way I know some straight guys who are Feminine as hell. My best friend is a black man who loves wearing makeup and getting his hair straightened!! He’s not gay. And I know one gay guy who loafs wearing makeup. Again a preference thing. I hope that helps you in anyway lol. Again you have to realize that I’m not an expert. Just going off what I know personally.
12). Why does who you decide to have sex with play a huge role in your identity?
I wish it didn’t have to honestly. I wish instead of being labelled as gay because I want to have sex with women people would just call me a human. But unfortunately, that’s not how our society works.
13). Some people part of the LGBT commit suicide because others don’t accept them. Why is it that they require validation? If people disagree with what they do but don’t physically or verbally abuse them, why do they feel bad if their friend doesn’t show up to a pride parade? Or if they don’t fully support it? Is it because they want others to say it’s okay? “I have to admit that this by far is the most difficult question I’m going to have to answer. mostly because i had to think long and hard. So here goes my answer and I hope I do this particular question justice.
LGBT people commit suicide for a number of reasons. Again, I’m not an expert on anyone else so I’m going to be sharing why I wanted to commit suicide and to be honest still feel like doing sometimes.
I don’t really care if anyone comes to a pride parade or any sh*t like that. That’s not why I’d want to commit suicide although some people would consider that into factor.
Wanting to commit suicide when you’re part of the LGBTQ community stems from a place of not belonging. It’s the feeling you get when you realize that everyone will fall in love and have people come to their weddings but you. It’s the homophobic slurs you get online and in youtube comments we’ve all seen those. It’s wanting to conform into society but knowing you couldn’t.
Now granted, some might have an easier time coming out because of their family situation. But for kids like me and Aseph, who grow up in Muslim households coming out could mean disownment. It could mean abuse, it could mean for some people getting forced into marriage with someone of the opposite sex.
Again, this is just my opinion on the subject and not everyone has the same as me.”
15). What factors do you think contribute to a gay child (absence of a father/mother, abuse from a male/female..etc)
“I’m sure someone in the comments will disagree with me but I genuinely believe that a person who’s gay, trans, or whatever they identify as are born that way. I mean I had a pretty normal childhood and I turned out to be gay. Being gay is not a choice. Being straight isn’t a choice so why should being gay? “
I believe that there are hormonal imbalances in the mind that will impact on what you find attractive. For the majority, it will be the opposite gender. If humans were deserted in a jungle and a man had to pick between a naked woman or a naked man, he is guaranteed to pick the woman. This is because of testosterone and although I am Bayance, queen of biology and cooking (cue the sarcasm), I don’t know too much about how men work. Same goes for a woman. We have biological hormones that make us compatible for one another. And honestly, sex isn’t really rocket science. The key will go into the keyhole, you know? Obviously, people found other ways but I will get to that later. I don’t think we’re BORN straight because babies don’t want to have sex but it’s something we will develop through puberty naturally and the percentages of homosexual attraction are very low. But IF people were just born this way, many ask: if God created us like this, why would we He punish us for it? To which I say, having homosexual thoughts is NOT a sin. Acting on those thoughts IS a sin. This is a very important point that I want you to at least get out of this post. If you are homosexual and find people of the same gender attractive, God knows what’s in your heart but he will not punish you for it. It’s the action that we Muslims disagree with. Essentially gay sex. Now if God has not said directly in the Quran that homosexuality is impermissible (which He did) then here are two things I want you to consider from a Muslim point of view.
- Anal sex is prohibited in Islam. Period. I thought there was nothing for women to do but apparently, we’ve found a way for that through oral and other factors. But anal is forbidden for heterosexuals, and for men, this is usually the way homosexuals go about it so that wouldn’t be allowed.
- You cannot have sexual relations with your ma7arem. Ma7ram for a woman is somebody she can reveal her hair and anything except the area from bellybutton to knees. These people are the woman’s dad, uncle, brothers, grandparents, father in laws and all the women in the world. Obviously we aren’t going to go topless in front of our family members out of manners but what this means is that I can hug my immediate family members but I can’t hug a man outside family or marriage. I can hug a woman but I can’t hug a man outisde family. Same goes for men. Men can hug their female family members, all the men, but not women outside family or marriage. If I can’t have sexual relations with ma7arem and people of the same gender, therefore incest and homosexuality are put on the same scale in Islam. So when people ask “ew you can’t compare homosexuality and incest”, I say “I could because in Islam, I cannot have sexual relations with ma7arem.” This is why a Muslim can’t act on homosexual acts like they wouldn’t act on incest. Well that was a handful. Does that make sense?
To put it into perspective on how I feel personally and logically towards homosexuality it’s a little like how we all feel about incest.
“But it doesn’t affect you.” – Incest doesn’t either.
“It’ll make overpopulation decrease” – So will two sisters marrying each other.
“But there’s a difference in power level” – So is the case between people of the same gender.
“But love is love – they’re born with it” – What’s wrong with two sisters loving each other? What’s the problem with sex between them too?
I don’t support incest for the record but do you get how those two will eventually be accepted very soon?
6). Do you think LGBT curriculum should be taught in schools? What age if so?
“I think that kids should be taught from a young age that no matter what your sexual orientation is you still matter to society. I’ve heard that in some liberal schools in America or even in other places kids are being given books about 2 mom families, and even have had people from the LGBTQ community come and speak to them.
This is an excellent idea because more and more kids need to be taught about these issues because you never know who might benefit from these teachings. I also think that in high school or secondary school whatever you call it. Kids need to learn about non straight sex. Obviously not the full details but just maybe a basic tutorial? You know so us non straight people would feel validated as well.
And as for the age? I suppose maybe learning from ages 7 to 8. That seems reasonable.”
The issue I have with teaching this to school is that kids don’t know about the sex part yet. As a kid, I was like “ew boys have cooties” so if you tell me that many people marry the same gender – it’s NORMAL- and I see it all around me my whole life, I’ll identify as a lesbian child. This is problematic and will only lead to confusion for kids who don’t know what they’re getting into. If being homosexual and heterosexual were on the same level of normal, there’s no need to teach it to kids since they already know and don’t need to act on it now. 50 years from now they’ll be telling kids that marrying your sister/brother is okay and watch when they tell us we’re grandmas from the early 2000’s (which we are).
This is probably the longest post I’m going to make which is why I’m sure you’re relieved that I’m about to wrap up. I want to conclude by talking about how I would go about dealing with a gay child and finally finishing off with respect vs support.
“growing up in Muslim households coming out could mean disownment. It could mean abuse, it could mean for some people getting forced into marriage with someone of the opposite sex.” – Jade
If my child was to come out, I wouldn’t disown them. Obviously, I’ll try to talk to them and deep down, I’d feel like I raised them improperly or that I let society make it okay for them but if they’re FIRM on getting married to the same gender, then all I could do is advise. No abuse, no disownment. This is my child and I’m going to treat them like all my other children. Children need their parents no matter what and just because they made this decision doesn’t mean they don’t have a chance to repent. Also forcing someone into marriage is forbidden in Islam so I definitely won’t do that either. I’d recommend not to get married at all. I won’t support but I will keep building the mother-child relationship and I won’t let go of that as a mother. This is just how I would handle it but no parent should abandon, abuse or force their children. I would just feel like a failure if my child wanted to leave Islam to follow their homosexual desires. But who knows – maybe someday Allah will give them hidayah. Have patience and don’t give up on your children.
Finally, I want to bring up the difference between respect and support. I respect all homosexuals. They are human beings. They are artists. They are dancers. They are engineers. They are citizens. They are no less than a human than I am. They deserve jobs and access to human needs. And if I see a gay person getting beat up for their sexuality, I will defend them in an instant. Not because I think what they’re doing is okay or that I support them but because they are human beings and I would’ve done it for any other person. What scares me about Lot’s story is that Prophet Lot’s wife was also left behind. She didn’t commit homosexual acts but she supported and encouraged it which scares me because many believers nowadays are saying “well I won’t do it but I support the community”. You have to understand that we cannot support or encourage this sin but it doesn’t mean we have to be against the people. I have homosexual friends and I love them. I don’t support what they do but they are great people. God created them for a reason and homosexual desires is a test that I hope believers can overcome if tested with. Many people and Satan will tell you that you have to come out of a closet and be proud of your desires but remember why you’re here. Remember that God is watching and that we are being tested every day even when people treat it like a joke.
Many will act as if God is being challenged, but we are reaching the end times and a few minor signs have already been fulfilled over the past few years.
Sexual immorality appears among people to such an extent that they commit it openly, except that they will be afflicted by plagues and diseases unknown to their forefathers.
When immorality overtakes shamelessness and is perpetrated publicly.
People will indulge in homosexuality.
You are no less of a human than anyone else. You have no less of a chance than anyone else. If you are a Muslim with homosexual thoughts, hang in there. Do not cave in. If you are a Muslim with a close homosexual in your life, don’t mistreat them. For Allah and his messenger, Muhammad (PBUH), taught us to be kind to others. Advise them, have open conversations like I am with Jade and you don’t have to support their actions in order to respect them. Last but not least, here are a few words from Jade.
17). What advice do you have for people who have gay people in their lives but cannot agree with their actions? We all want to be there for everyone but how can you make it clear without fully supporting it?
Well how dare you not support me!!! I’m awesome. Hahahahaha just kidding. I’d have to say you can disagree with us but as long as you’re not physically or verbally abusive then we’re good.
I’d like to give a huge shout out to Bayance for letting me participate!!! I hope you got a new perspective on things, and I look forward to reading the comments.
Love from Jade. May life treat you kind!!!
Thank you Jade for all your answers!!
This will probably be my heaviest post in a while. I really want to hear from all of you and trust me, we will be back with light posts next week.
Comment below anything you thought of today’s post. (try your best to be respectful)
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