Hey girl hey. And boy.
Now that summer is officially in the groove, many of us are looking for summer jobs. Whether it’s an internship or your classical job at McDonald’s, whatever gets us the money we need for new clothes, a vacation or a Billie Eilish concert ticket. Now my intention wasn’t any of this, I just wanted experience and money I could save for when I finally decided what I want to spend money on. 😂 Speaking of being indecisive, cover letters have got to be one of the hardest pieces of literature out there. It may look easy to people who haven’t written one, but trust me, the stages are severe.
Stage 1: Finding the Right Template + Font
Now I don’t know about you but ever since I started blogging, I started using graphic design more frequently. And when you design so many featured images with flowers and aesthetic fonts and whatnot, it can be hard to stay still on a business cover letter. This stage is like trying to clean your room but stumbling across that one diary that literally has all your primary school entries. The next thing you know the day is ending and you got nowhere with cleaning your room. I know, this stage is so productive. 😂
Stage 2: Researching the Company
Okay so you may have found the perfect font and template, or maybe you haven’t and decide maybe it’s better to see once some information is filled out. The most basic information is writing down the company that you’re applying to’s name, address and phone number. Seems pretty simple. Until you reach their website and can’t figure out the manager’s name and they have at least ten million emails to look through. And then if you’re extra, you try to find information like awards they received to flatter them in your letter, and then end up on Youtube watching marriage proposal fails. 😂 Again, super productive!
Stage 3: That First Line
When it comes to the first line of ANYTHING, you can’t deny that it’s a struggle. Whether that’s an essay, blog post (even tho mine are usually ‘aaaah back to school’) or application questionnaires, the hook to anything is dauntinggg. So you might go about the basic route and save yourself the misery:
My brother’s basic first line: I am writing to express my interest for the bla bla position with bla bla company.
Or be that one kid that tries really hard but doesn’t get the job anyways.
My try-hard first line: When looking through different locations I wanted to work at this summer, company x was a first priority.
Okay so maybe you should save yourself the cringe fest and go with my brother’s but still…who says express my interest? 😂 Pftttt….losers do. 😂😂😂 Pfftttt….
he got the job and I didn’t. And if you still can’t figure this one out, it will lead you to stage 4.
Stage 4: Binge-reading Everyone Else’s Cover Letter
Ah, the wonderful stage of diving deep into the web for every person that applied to any job ever. The purpose of this is to try to
plagarize get inspired from all the variations of cover letters out there and come up with a well-written cover letter to submit. Orrrr you end up on Youtube watching marriage proposal fails. 😂
Stage 5: Questioning
After getting inspiration from other letters and getting the gist of what you’re supposed to do (
aka fail a marriage proposal…who said that? 😂), you’re on your own and it really allows you to question everything you ever did.
What should I write next?
How does this job correlate with my skillset?
What experience do I want to get out of this?
Why should they pick me over the competition?
Wait….why do I even want this job??
Like lowkey the answer is money but what do I like about a chicken factory?
Bruh I’m literally vegan though.
And I oop-
(jk guys I’m not vegan nor am I applying to a chicken factory but I still don’t want to be working at a chicken factoryyy)
Stage 6: Sugarcoating Everything You Ever Did
Now it’s time to sugarcoat every experience, every job, every breath. It’s not even sugar coating, it’s just “using my imagination to enhance my actions ;)”
Experience: I babysit my siblings.
Experience: For the past 8 months, it has truly been a rollercoaster working for this company. I’ve been working non-stop for my manager and all she has to do is grow babies in her body. I mean, really, it’s me going through the countless nights raising these human beings. It really taught me patience, collaboration, respect, the ability to communicate with others. I’m always on the watch for everything they do. I even pulled up a baking website to enhance these children’s natural sensory and am watching every progress and motion…….okay is it just me or does it smell like smoke in here?
Stage 7: When You Realize It Can Only Be a Page Long
Now this can go two ways.
1). You’ve been writing a novel on your whole life story and why you’re fit for the job and now have to spend the next year or so cutting down unnecessary phrases (seriously, my baby stories and my diploma are equally important!! 😂)
2). Does eating at McDonald’s count as experience IN McDonald’s? *aggressive writing*
Stage 8: Conclusion
Not going to lie, this is probably even harder than the first line. I mean, this is what you need to leave your manager with and it can be the life or death situation between a manager crumbling up your cover letter and a manager STILL crumbling up your cover letter.
So you go back to the questions stage.
Why do I want this job? Money.
What statement do I need to leave the manager with? Money.
Okay but what will make them want to hire me? Money.
That answer didn’t even make sense in the last question. Money.
I didn’t even ask a question! Money.
Can you say anything other than money? Money.
Which leads us to the next stage.
Stage 9: The Mental Hurricane
Dear Hiring Manager,
I don’t know who you are, I don’t know what you want, but you need to hire me. Because… because…
I WANT A JOB, OKAY? I NEED MONEYYYYYY. I WANT TO BUY UNLIMITED ICE CREAM. I WANT TO BE INDEPENDENT. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO HELP PEOPLE. I WANT TO TRAVEL. SO MANY DREAMS AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO NOT HIRE ME? HOW COULD YOU CRUSH ME LIKE THIS? HIRE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Find the P 😉
Stage 10: Post Mental Hurricane
Ah, they say after the hurricane comes a rainbow and that is mostly true. Most people tend to go with:
a). Finally fueling up enough energy to write a good cover letter and submitting it by the deadline
Or the minority:
b) end off with a civil: dear manager, hire me.
And then you realize the cover letter was actually optional.
Whatever you end up doing on this fabulous journey called cover letter making, it won’t matter. Because they’re going crumble your cover letter the moment they see what font you picked.
Juuuuust kidding. 😂
Whatever job rejects you, realize that it’s for the best and that something even better will be coming your way! And yes, it won’t be a chicken factory.
Anddd that’s all for today.
Have you ever wrote a cover letter?
If you worked before – what was your first job like?
If you didn’t work yet (same here) – where do you want to work?
I’ll see you all in my next post.